Kringus vs Santa (PVP Online - (c) Scott R. Kurtz)
One thing about the British – with their famously dry wit – it is sometimes difficult to discern when they’re kidding. Given the generally humorless and dour nature of any decree that includes “think of the children!” as a leitmotif, it was necessary for the Australian authors of a recent article in the British Medical Journal to point out that it was presented as “tongue in cheek.”
Thank goodness. Otherwise, one can only imagine the nanny-state do-gooders trumpeting the nutritional nefariousness of the plate of cookies and glass of milk that hopeful youngsters leave as a last-minute bribe (or thank you) for their presents on Christmas Eve. The authors do make the argument that many corporations’ use of the Jolly Fat Man to hawk all manner of less-healthy stuff (or products that are inappropriate for kids), such as alcohol, isn’t such a great idea, since Father Christmas is one of the most widely-recognized role models on the planet.
Being kind and generous is good; getting a snootful of hooch and trying to control a bunch of reindeer in residential airspace, not so much. However, as depicted in this comic, if you put in the time and effort at the gym, even your arch-nemesis is going to recognize and appreciate that. Just think what people who actually like you will think!
There’s no secret shortcut to success – even in this case, Santa admits to doing weights and cardio with a personal trainer three times a week. Over the course of a year, that’s only about a hundred and fifty hours. Compare that to the two thousand hours you’d spend at a regular office job (before overtime), and it looks downright modest – not to mention a whole lot more fun. That seems like a pretty small time investment to keep yourself off of your physician’s “naughty” list, if not land yourself on some other folks’ “nice” one.
Here’s how I picture his general routine, if I’d been his personal trainer:
Monday
- Warmup and Stretching (10 minutes)
- Free weights (20 minutes – light to moderate weight, high reps)
- Cardio (25 minutes, variable resistance)
- Cooldown and Stretching (5 minutes)
Wednesday
- Warmup and Stretching (10 minutes)
- Free weights (30 minutes – heavy weight, low reps)
- Cardio (15 minutes, steady pace, increasing incline)
- Cooldown and Stretching (5 minutes)
Friday
- Warmup and Stretching (10 minutes)
- Free weights (20 minutes – moderate weight and reps)
- Cardio (25 minutes – steady pace with challenging intervals (steep incline or increased speed))
- Cooldown and Stretching (5 minutes)
The other underlying message in the BJS piece is, “Don’t eat like Santa, kids.” It seems that jolly old St. Nick is in the same lineup as Cookie Monster for the crime of violating the dictum of “cookies: sometime food.” We’ve discussed the exaggerated perception of holiday weight gain, and what you can do to avoid it, but, really… a couple of cookies aren’t the end of the world.
Unless you’re the cookie.
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dunno, I would imagine that Santa would be more of a heavyweight powerlifter type…
I had to work within the regimen dictated by the comic source material.
Left entirely to my own devices, I’d probably go with a combination of Starting Strength and some interval training, not unlike my own routine, maybe to include some Strongman-style moves, like the Keg Toss (the better to load the sleigh with!)