It’s not easy being green a food-conscious geek. We have more interesting things to do than micro-manage our meals most of the time (unless you’re OCD, in which case, Mike has some M&M’s he’d like you to sort). Sometimes you just want something brain-free and keyboard-friendly that can keep indefinitely until you’re ready to OM NOM NOM.
I am just as guilty of this as the next person. Possibly more so. We are a culture of convenience, of speed, of instant availability. We overclock our computers to run faster. We optimize code to run faster. We put mini fridges under our desk to have faster access to caffeine.
In short, we do a lot of stuff to make things quicker and easier, and a lot of this has imbued the preparation of the food we’re apt to eat while making some noob take a ride on the gank train courtesy of our rocket launcher.
Hi, my name is Rafe, and I am a fiend for, and victim of, mini frozen pizza rolls.
I am apparently not alone. As was originally seen on G4′s Web Soup, this video shows a guy demolishing an entire bag of the pillow-shaped pizza pellets. I can’t say I’ve done that myself, but half a bag has been dinner (after cooking them, of course).
… and he subsequently got positively excoriated for doing so in the video’s comments. Ah, internet flaming. Guess what, folks? TROLLING DOESN’T BURN MANY CALORIES. Even in all caps. However, Justin isn’t completely blameless, either. He does kind of embody (or maybe even embrace) one of the stereotypes we’re trying so hard to shed around here, along with some extra pounds.
As Mike pointed out to me via IM: “This was nearly seven servings. 1540 calories, 77 grams of fat, 168 grams of carbs, and 4 grams of fiber. 36 Weight Watchers POINTS. So many things wrong with this.” That caught me rather by surprise, in much the same way that folks are shocked to learn that a single packet of ramen noodles is two servings. I think I said something like, “Dude, WTF. That means I’m eating three servings when I have ‘em.”
“‘fraid so, Hoss. That’s why they’re so evil.”
I shall now defer to the great emotive prowess of James T. “Tibby” Kirk:
Okay, I feel better now. Disappointed, but better.
So why would an ostensible “serving” be so unsatisfying? Mike’s thought is that it makes the nutrition info look less heinous. While 220 calories (100 from fat) isn’t fantastic, it’s at least on par with a snack-size bag of potato chips. However, six pizza rolls is only liable to satisfy Verne Troyer as an actual meal.
Portion control is one of the cornerstones of healthier eating, and sometimes, the portions themselves are misleading. Calorie-dense but nutritionally-lame foods are nobody’s friend, except as a once in a while indulgence. Making them a staple of our diet is just not a good idea.
Well, it’s still gotta be healthier than fifty hot dogs and some water-soaked rolls. But still, not exactly the sort of thing of which healthy eating habits are made.
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I was surprised at the reaction too. Geeze, I could plow through a bag of those…I imagine every college student in history has done that at one time. Cripes, you can get a 1500 calorie meal at every fast food place without even supersizing…that is like half an order of chili fries at some of the chains.
If some skinny dude posted a video of that no-one would care. I’m not saying it is good, because it wasn’t, but the reaction was because the guy was fat, not because of what he was doing. People were saying his eating was disgusting, but they were really saying *he* was disgusting.
I did not see the video but picked up on a few statements Marc made. The word ‘victim’ and the disbelif over portion size are a natural reaction.
“Food” of this type is not food at all. It is a designer drug made by scientist working for the food industry. it is not increased nutritional value that they are working to acomplish.
The goal is to make you eat as much as you can and come back for more. We should not be suprized at our bodies reaction to it. There are parts of the brain we do not have direct control of, but a designer drug does.
We will have to vote with our wallet to make any changes to the system.
I don’t really think there are psychoactive agents in pizza rolls, beyond them being made tasty. I have yet to find a “Mescaline ‘Shroom” variant on offer (which isn’t to say I don’t peruse the frozen goods cabinet with a curious eye every so often).
The only thing I personally feel “victimized” by is the pseudo-obfuscation of what constitutes a so-called portion; being more attentive to the label would have exposed that bit of chicanery sooner.
The aspirin I took has no psychoactive agents, but it is a drug none the less. My morning coffee has a drug in it that make me perky after I drink it. It makes me want more the next day. Coffee qualifies as a prepared food but rudimentarily so, compared to modern standards.
Today’s prepared food is designed from the ground up by very smart people. Their designs are not to increase nutrition but to increase repeat business. They are very good at what they do.
I do not advocate the complete elimination of these ‘foods’ but people need to know what they are up against. I am starting to believe that our bodies respond to these substances at a very primitive level. In fact, as if we have been exposed to a drug.
Thanks for the feedback.
Back in the day, me and my buddy Mike used to pool our resources to buy 3 things in the middle of the night:
an 80-count bag of pepperoni pizza rolls
huge bottle of gatorade for me
2 liters of diet coke for him.
We’d each eat 40 pizza rolls and consume our respective beverages, this would usually happen at 2am-5am during some form of 80s movie marathon (Gremlins/back to the future). How I was not 9,000 lbs is a medical mystery.
Needless to say I don’t do this anymore… at all… ever. BLECH!!!