Mar 182009

Horde RedOne of the things that I have to struggle with here at ShrinkGeek is the fact that healthy living is, quite frankly, not a fundamental aspect of the geek culture.  As a matter of fact, it’s fairly safe to say that geeks tend to revel in their love of deliciously unhealthy food and drink.  Stereotypes exist for a reason, and the truth is that most “normal” people wouldn’t picture the overweight slob sitting on his couch with a cheese powder stained controller in one hand and a two liter of Jolt Cola in the other if it weren’t for the fact that a good number of us really do treat ourselves that way.  I can recall countless evenings growing up where the most intense physical activity involved seeing how many times I could get my hand from the Doritos bag to my mouth.

Mind you, it’s that kind of “conscientious living” that contributed to my weighing 420 pounds and having two strokes before I turned 30.  Eating like crap and never exercising may very well be a fun, and possibly even integral, part of the geek lifestyle, but it certainly doesn’t lead to long and healthy lives.  Unfortunately, getting that across to the geek crowd is a difficult task.  To many it seems like the idea of being healthy is a form of “selling out”; That in order to maintain their edge they have to have a diet full of caffeine, sugar, and questionably “safe” chemicals.

It’s that exact mindset that the folks at PepsiCo and Blizzard were counting on when they came up with the idea to market two flavors of Mountain Dew to players of World of Warcraft.  That’s right, now you too can show off your in-game allegiance by choosing to drink either “Alliance Blue” or “Horde Red” Mtn (sic…which is how that abbreviation makes me feel) Dew!  Let’s just hope that the flavors themselves are better than the Halo 3 themed “Gamer Fuel” (which, in this writers opinion, was nigh unto battery acid).

I suppose at the very least it’s a step up from Gamer Grub (because everyone I know wants to slurp down a Pepperoni Pizza).

Look, I understand that Blizzard and Pepsi want to make money.  I want to make money.  I’d love to make the kind of money they do.  I get it.  I just wish that, occasionally, gaming companies would stop painting all of us geeks with the same brush and find some healthier foods to promote their products with.   Or, at the very least, offer us diet versions?  Hell, if it isn’t healthy how about at least making some kind of sense?  I’d have a hard time picturing Thrall with a bottle of Dew, but I could certainly get behind a six pack of Thunderbrew Hard Ale.  Alas, I do not have a degree in Marketing and the last time I checked Blizzard didn’t need my advice to help them rake in $654 million in profits back in 2008, so I’m fairly certain my calls for a healthier WoW themed drink will go unheeded.   If you’re looking to cut calories out of your life, however, I’d suggest that you not “Do the Dew” and pass on the 275 empty calories that you’ll find in these promotional drinks.  Get one to put up on the shelf next to your Murloc Plushie and have a glass of water instead.

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